The Heart Never Lies
by singyoutosleep
Summary: Finn ends things with Rachel, but everyone knows they're forever. A tale of angst, separation, denial, and love. Spoilers for 2.10. Rating will increase in later chapters.
1. This is how a heart breaks

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Glee characters, but OC's later on are mine.

**Author's note: **Please read and review. This is my first full story, non-drabble like Finchel story that's something other than smut!

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Finn Hudson doesn't trust a lot of people. Every time he's had faith in someone they've let him down, save for his mother. His dad kissed him on the forehead and said "I'll be back in a few months, buddy." Technically, he was, but Finn didn't realize his father would be back in a coffin... Quinn Fabray screwed him over big time, same with his former best friend, Noah Puckerman. Santana Lopez ruined his life by lying to him about the benefits of having sex with her.

But Rachel Berry had torn him up worst of all. She chewed him up and spit him out. He's about 180% sure that he misses her. But he's infinity percent sure that she broke his heart.

He never thought that Rachel was mean. Sure, she was kind of crazy sometimes and she talked a lot – to the point that she sometimes gave him a headache, but he loved her. Over time, he had learned to accept that that was her nature, and there was little to nothing that he could really do about it. He loved her because and in spite of all her little quirks, and most of the time, she made him into a better person. Sure, sometimes he still suffered from a royal case of foot-in-mouth, but she helped him study, she complimented him all the time, and she made him feel good about himself. Rachel Berry was like breathing in that first breath of fresh air in the morning, that little breath that filled his lungs just right and told him it was a going to be a good day.

He'd done that, the morning she had broken his heart, but apparently, his senses about what kind of day it was going to be had gone a little awry. He hadn't bothered to test his theory since then, because he knew what it was going to say: his day was going to suck.

What Rachel did to him really, _really_ tore him up inside. Yes, he hadn't been faithful to Quinn during their relationship, but he had never set out to intentionally hurt Quinn with his actions when he had kissed Rachel. He had kissed her once and the other times had all been initiated by the tiny brunette. Technically, she had even initiated their first kiss, by telling him that he could kiss her if he wanted to.

He still remembered every little detail about that kiss. She looked excited and nervous at the same time – for a brief moment, he'd stopped and wondered if he was her first kiss (and through a casual discussion much later, he had discovered that he was right). He had laid her down, and he had gone down with her. He pressed his lips to hers gently, like he was trying her out at first, afraid to hurt her since she seemed so small, so _innocent_, and his stomach had done this weird flipping thing, that he later realized was a feeling he would always have around the tiny diva and her wide, gorgeous brown eyes. Her leg lifted, pressing against his and he couldn't help it, he rolled his hips against hers slightly. He just wanted _more_ of her. It felt like time was stopped and he just wanted his lips pressed against hers forever. Even if he knew it was wrong, because he was with Quinn, everything about kissing Rachel Berry just felt so, so... _right_. Of course, like any time he was enjoying anything a little too much, it started to do things _down there_, and he pulled away, thinking of the mailman, and left very hastily, feeling like he had screwed everything up, but even that day, he knew.

His heart belonged to Rachel Barbra Berry.

His heart still belonged to Rachel Barbra Berry. He just couldn't get over the fact that she had taken it and stomped on it. When she had kissed Puck, it had been to hurt him, to get back at him. Finn knew that sleeping with Santana was a mistake – boy did he know it. He knew it from the minute that he was inside the feisty Latina, looking up at her. He had spent the whole time pretending it was Rachel. He wanted it to be Rachel _so badly. _Maybe all of this was partly his fault for fucking everything up, but he hadn't been with her at the time, he didn't cheat. Yes, he lied, which wasn't great of him, but he only did it because he didn't want to hurt her, and he didn't want to lose her. He loved her so much that even just the thought of telling her and seeing those big, bright eyes well up with tears hurt him so much that it made him want to _die_.

Now, he still wanted to die, but it was for a totally different reason.

He really wished that he hadn't turned around, that he had just ignored her and kept on walking, but her words had gotten to him. "You said you'd never break up with me." The pain in her voice was clear and if his heart wasn't already broken, that definitely did the trick. His initial reaction was to apologize, to take her into his arms and hold her and kiss her and tell her that he forgave her, because that's what he knew would make the situation better. He hated seeing Rachel in pain, especially if he could do something to help her. But she had pained him first, and this time, he just couldn't go through with his instincts. Because he honestly didn't forgive her.

He wasn't sure what hurt more. The fact that she had cheated on him, or the fact that she had done it with _Puck_. He had already lost one girlfriend to Puck, he didn't think Rachel would ever put him through that again. He had been wrong. So so wrong.

He had turned around and he had been determined not to cry where anyone could see him. Finn Hudson didn't cry unless he really, really felt like whatever he was going through was the end of the world. He had sat in his car crying for almost an hour. He loved her so much, couldn't she see that? Sure, he wasn't perfect. He wasn't ever going to be perfect, but he _loved_ her. He had changed for her. He had stopped caring about his reputation and he had tried to be better for her, to be patient and kind and caring. He put up with her diva fits, he would hold her when she'd show up at his doorstep crying because aside from him, she didn't have any friends. Sometimes they would just lie down in the grass together for hours, not saying anything, not moving. His thumb would just run back and forth, over and over on the small of her back, just barely under her shirt, while her head was tucked tightly under his chin. He loved spending time with her, he loved everything about her, didn't she see that? Why did one mistake make her go out and do something that she _knew_ would cut through him so deeply. He was pretty sure he knew what it felt like to get shot. Or maybe not. He was pretty sure getting a bullet to the heart would hurt less than what he'd been feeling lately.

He still wasn't ready to forgive her, and it killed him that she wanted him to. That she thought a song or one kiss was going to fix everything between them. Maybe that hurt more than the actual betrayal. The fact that she thought he was obviously being childish and not forgiving her out of spite. "It's time for you to forgive me," she had said, almost matter of factly, as if there was some kind of timestamp on when you should mend your broken heart.

Well, Finn's heart just doesn't work that way. Every night he goes to bed and he hopes that in the morning, everything will stop hurting. He always wakes up feeling like his heart is so broken, it's physically hurting. Knowing he still can't forgive her just makes everything hurt a little worse. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive her. What she did just hurt too much. He felt like he was half whole when she wasn't around, but every time he would so much as sneak a glance at her, it was like tearing the band-aid off of the wound again.

Rachel Berry had ruined him, he was pretty sure, and the worst part was that she didn't seem to know it.


	2. 321 Heartbreak

**Author's Note: **Thank you for your kind reviews! They are much appreciated. My only comment for this chapter is... don't kill Finn.

Even Rachel Berry knows that spending New Years' Eve alone is pathetic, so when Noah Puckerman invites her to his party, it is without much hesitation that she accepts his invitation. To quote him, he "kind of likes her," so she figures that at least the host will be courteous to her, even if no one else speaks to her.

But she's not going to the party for Noah.

She's going because she hopes that Finn will be there. She had visited his home on Christmas Eve, armed with another present for him – tickets to a college football game for him and Burt because she'd thought that he'd enjoy them. Rachel figured that she had nothing to lose. She wasn't simply going to _give up_ on her relationship, because she'd happened to make one little mistake. Just because Finn had officially broken things off with them didn't mean that Rachel had stopped loving him. On the contrary, she was more determined than ever to make everything work with him. So she had gone over to his house, armed with her pearly white smile and her present. Finn had opened the door, seen it was her, and shut it in her face. She had proceeded to knock for half an hour, to no avail. She had left the Hummel-Hudson home shivering, her tears starting to freeze on her face as she walked back home. She had left the gift in the mailbox, a final attempt to get him to see that she was trying, that she was paying attention to his interests, hoping that he would call her, no such thing had happened.

She was aware that cheating on Finn with Noah hadn't been her smartest move, but she'd been so angry and she had just wanted to forget, for a little while at least, that Finn had chosen to give over something so special to the _harlot _known as Santana Lopez, and worse, he had lied to her about it. In the end, her mistake had cost her everything, but being Rachel Berry, she was nothing if not determined to win Finn over. She had done it before, she was sure that she would be able to do it again. She knew that Finn still loved her, it was just a matter of time until he caved in.

She was the only person at the party who hadn't dabbled into the alcohol supply. While it would be easy for her to get alcohol if she wanted it, she had promised her Daddy that she wouldn't drink, and when she made a promise, she kept it. Finn, however, had not been so chaste. Actually, he was visibly drunk. His eyes were glassed over and he seemed to think that he could dance. He had danced for a while with two random Cheerios, and they were obviously drunk enough not to care about the fact that Finn looked like he was having an epileptic seizure. Rachel had spent most of her night in the corner by herself. Tina had come to talk to her for a bit, but that had ended quickly when Mike offered his abs to do body shots off of. She had never seen Tina again and she had spent the rest of the night standing by herself.

After he had had enough of dancing, Finn had gone and moved over to sit in a chair, just to watch everyone else. He was talking to Noah but she couldn't make out what they were saying. Maybe Finn was talking about how much he missed her, or maybe he was asking if she was there. "Come on, Rachel. You can do this," she sighed, giving herself a little pep talk as she tried to make her way through the crowd of dancing people. "Excuse me," she mumbled, wrinkling her nose as she was rudely shoved backwards. She tried again with a different group of people but they just flat out ignored her. She was as invisible as always, even when everyone was drunk. All she wanted was for Finn to look up at her before New Years' Eve. Perhaps it was bad to take advantage of him while he was drunk, but she really wanted to ring in the New Year with him, with a promise that everything would be alright between them.

Looking down at the time on her cellphone, it was 11:58pm, two minutes to the new year. 2011. New beginnings were just two minutes away, but somehow, she didn't want 2010 to be over. She was afraid of starting the New Year in a bad place, if Finn rejected her. It would set the tone for the entire year. But, it was a risk she was willing to take. Forcing herself through a dancing couple, Rachel squeezed and shoved her way through the dancing mob to make her way over to the other side of Noah's living room, over to Finn. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was beating oddly fast, and she was pretty sure that this was what _nerves _felt like, something she'd never really experienced before. Just more proof that they were meant to be together. He made her feel things that she had never felt in her sixteen years on the planet.

"Hi Finn," she ventured, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. In the time it had taken her to get over to him, he was already standing talking to one of the guys on the team. He looked tired and miserable. Like he was at this party even though he didn't really want to be. Like he _had_ to make an appearance here because he was the football quarterback, popular, and single again.

"Oh," he replied, before turning back to his teammate.

"I was hoping we could -" she began, before she was cut off by a very inebriated Santana Lopez shoving her aside.

"Thirty seconds to midnight, Finnocence," the Latina called, seemingly unaware that she had even bumped into Rachel.

"Yeah," Finn smiled, turning his attention towards her.

"Do you have someone to kiss at midnight?" she asked. Finn simply shook his head as Rachel watched.

"Actually he does," Rachel called, her voice just cutting over the music. The brunette wasn't sure if the other girl had heard her and was simply ignoring her, or if she had really managed not to hear her.

"You do now!" she giggled. "And if you play your cards right, it could be more than a kiss."

"Sounds good," Finn replied, seemingly unaware that Rachel was still around as he put a hand on Santana's side.

It was then that people started counting down. 10 – 9 – 8... no, no, no! This was all wrong! Why was Finn looking at Santana with those eyes? Why was there a twinkle there? That was supposed to be her! 3-2-1.

It was only much later that she would realize that the countdown to the new year had also been the countdown to her heart breaking. Because if she thought that having Finn Hudson break up with her was the worst thing that could happen to her fragile heart, watching him lock lips with the girl who had spurred on the end of their relationship by seducing _her_ Finn. Maybe it wouldn't have been as bad if it had just been the one kiss, or if he had pushed her way, disgusted. But they broke away for chuckling, and the Finn's hand was on he side, pulling Santana against him forcefully as their lips crashed together again. All tongue and teeth and the things that Rachel had never let their kisses be.

Santana took Finn's hand and pulled him out of the room suddenly, giggling, a smiley looking Finn stumbling behind her. Maybe it would have been tolerable if he had gone by without acknowledging her, but he did. He looked _right_ at her as Santana pulled him along and he _smirked_.

Rachel Berry had never wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole before, but she did right then.

Of course, as her luck would have it, that didn't happen.


	3. Complicated

**Author's note: **Sorry this update took a while. Wasn't much in the mood for angst. Hopefully the next update will come quicker. R&R as usual.

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"You and I should date."

Honestly, Finn Hudson thought that Santana Lopez had lost her marbles when those words spilled out of her mouth one day, shortly after his break-up with Rachel. "Why would I ever date you? I don't even like you. You meddle in everyone else's business and you ruined my relationship with Rachel," he countered, shaking his head. Yes, Finn knew that on some level, Santana was interested in him. She had approached him at the wedding, after all, with that warning that she was going to out their activities from the year before, but he had to be suspicious. This was Santana. She liked to screw everything up on purpose, almost like she did it out of sheer boredom. She didn't like Finn, not enough to want him to stay in his relationship that had made him happy, despite its problems, up to the point where Rachel had cheated on him, anyways. So he had to be a little suspicious that now, of all times, she wanted to date him.

"Contrary to your skewed beliefs, _I_ did not force you into doing anything. I asked you if you were sure, and you said yes. You _wanted_ me, that's what you said, and you were fully aware of what you were doing. If I didn't tell her, she would have found out some other way," Santana replied, looking at her nails as if she was getting bored with this conversation.

"Whatever," he mumbled, despite himself. Finn had to admit, she did have a small point. He did know what he was doing, and deep down, he knew that it would bite him in the ass, but he also knew that eventually, Rachel would get over it if the truth did come out and he was a guy with working man parts and sometimes that won out over his heart. It was stupid, yes, and he wished that he could take it back, but deep down, he had always known that Rachel would forgive him. And he really thought that she was going to have sex with Jesse, so it wasn't like she was going to be a virgin if they ever got together, either. He just hadn't been counting on the Rachel cheating on him part. "I repeat, why would I ever date you, though? It's not like you're ever nice to me."

"_Because_, you dumbass," Santana replied, looking at him like he was the world's biggest idiot, "it's mutually beneficial. I need to make Brittany jealous that I'm with someone else, so she'll break up with Wheels and date me, and _you_ need to get Rachel off your back. I heard that she cheated on you with Puckerman, so wouldn't it be some sweet, sweet revenge for her to find out that she's lost you to the girl who took your virginity."

"Okay, that has to be the _dumbest_ idea I've ever heard, which says a lot coming from me," Finn replied. He had once jumped off his roof because he thought he could fly… when he was fourteen, and he had tried drying his shoes with a George Forman grill. It didn't get dumber than Finn Hudson, but this idea was just _stupid_. "You're asking me to help you hurt one of my friends because you're mad that Brittany is with him? No way. And what if it doesn't work? What if Brittany doesn't care? And also, when you break up with me, how is this gonna look? I'm gonna be the guy whose girlfriend left him to become a lesbian."

That entire conversation was running in Finn's head as he exited the room with Santana and made his way upstairs with her. He wasn't sure why he had suddenly changed his mind about all of this, but Santana had caught on right away and gone right into the role of being his girlfriend. Or at least the girl that everyone was now going to think he was fucking. Whatever.

Well, that was a lie. He knew _exactly_ why he had done it. He needed space away from Rachel. She'd been closing in on him at the party and he wasn't ready to talk to her. He was a little tipsy… okay, a little drunk, and she'd started talking to him and he wasn't ready for that and Santana had made her presence known and it seemed safer to go with that option, especially when Rachel was talking about kisses.

Rachel was a really good kisser, and he wanted to kiss her _so_ badly, but he was also _so_ mad at her for cheating on him. Santana was the easy way out, maybe (in every sense of the word easy), but he just wasn't ready to have a serious conversation with Rachel about their relationship, why it had ended, and where it might be going in the future. He couldn't do it, not yet.

Which was why he was letting Santana drag him upstairs into one of the bedrooms at Puck's house, but when she tried to kiss him again, he pulled away. "Whoa," he said, a little slurred, as he pulled back. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to have sex with you, duh," Santana replied, tugging at his shirt as she pulled his lips back to her.

"No, stop. I don't want to have sex with you," Finn sighed, backing up a little bit.

"But you just kissed me downstairs," she reminded him, her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, to make Rachel jealous," he clarified, swerving past her to sit on the bed.

"Well, everyone saw us go upstairs. They're expecting us to have sex now," Santana mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared him down, like she expected that to actually have some kind of impact on him.

"I'm sorry to disappoint them, but I'm not going to repeat my mistake. Last time I slept with you, it seriously fucked up my life. Sorry that I don't want to fuck everything up again," he shrugged, leaning back against the wall, his head hitting back against it gently.

"Don't you get it? You already did by coming up here with me. When we go back to school, we're going to be _dating_. That means holding my hand, carrying my books around for me, kissing me in between classes and all the other fruity shit that comes with being a couple," Santana nodded, throwing her head around in the bitchy way he had come to know all to well since kindergarten.

"I don't see how us supposedly fucking one time, when we're not even doing that, means we're dating. Aren't you the queen of the whole 'sex is not dating' thing?" Finn countered, tilting his head to the side.

"Yes, Finnocence, but unless we start dating, your reputation is going to go from good guy who occasionally fucks up to guy who'll fuck any and everyone," Santana insisted.

This was fucked up. How had this girl managed to screw his life up so much when she wasn't even touching him? It was ridiculous. He didn't want to be that guy who seemed like he fucked and bailed, because yeah, aside from the time that he'd lost his virginity to the Latina who was hardcore staring him down at the moment, he wasn't that guy. He had waited for Quinn, he had waited for Rachel, and neither one of them had put out before things had been broken off. He had gone through two relationships, and in both of those relationships, he'd never ended up having sex, he'd never gone past second base. He didn't want to be that guy with that reputation. "Fine, but you don't get to be hanging all over me and I don't actually have to take you out on dates. We're dating in school and in school only. And if you rub it in Rachel's face, the deal is off. Got it?"

"Fine, I'll accept your terms," she sighed. "It's better than seeming like I'm still the single girl in the new year or whatever, and who knows, we might even end up falling for each other."

"Don't hold your breath," Finn sighed, shaking his head. This relationship wasn't even real and it was already a shit load of a lot more work than his real ones, and that included being the boyfriend of a pregnant girl.


End file.
